The Curse of The Golden Bananas
by Aaron The Night Watcher
Summary: The Golden Banana's that Sasori brought home look harmless...but they're not. As all of the Akatsuki will soon find out. Please R&R.   A.N. : Guest Appearance Inside.
1. Chapter 1

NARUTO!

Title : The Curse of The Golden Bananas!

Chapter 1!

Akatsuki Hideout!

Sasori walked through the entrance to the hideout. He was holding a brown paper sack in his hands. He also had a huge grin on his face. Sasori knew that the other members of Akatsuki were probably waiting for him to walk in to the meeting room….but he didn't care. He had something to give to them. Sasori stopped when he got to the meeting room door. He pushed it open and walked through it. Sasori looked at, Pein and Konan.

" You're late." Konan stated.

" Where have you been?." Pein asked politely. Sasori thought a moment and smiled.

" I've been out collecting, Pein." Sasori stated. Kisame walked through the doors and stated,

" Where's, Madara? I think I've located, The Nine Tailed-," Kisame stopped in mid-sentence when he saw, Sasori holding a brown paper sack. Kisame then continued saying, "-,WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?." Sasori held the brown paper bag up.

" It's food." Sasori replied. Pein looked at, Sasori for a moment.

" It's not poisoned is it?." Pein asked. Sasori smiled.

" No it's not poisoned." Sasori replied. Kisame looked at him.

" Uh…..I can just come back later if you three want to be alone." Itachi Uchiha walked in behind, Kisame and looked around. He saw, Pein, Kisame, Konan, and Sasori holding a brown paper bag. Itachi looked at, Kisame and stated,

" You're supposed to be talking to, Madara." Kisame looked at him and replied,

" Well I would be, Itachi. But, Sasori is holding a brown paper bag and I want to know what's in it." Itachi looked at, Sasori and stated,

" Open it for him and show us what's in it. If it's alcohol you're grounded….for a month." Sasori replied,

" I wanted to wait until everybody else gets here." Pein then stated,

" Everyone else already is here. They're in the meeting room." Pein, Itachi, Kisame, Sasori, and Konan all walked in the direction of the meeting room. As they walked through the main entrance to the meeting room, Madara looked up at them with his, Sharingan. Madara then stated,

" You four are late." Madara then looked down and saw the brown paper bag in, Sasori's hands. Madara looked at, Sasori and asked, " What's in the sack?."

End of Chapter One!


	2. Chapter 2

NARUTO!

Title : The Curse of The Golden Bananas!

Chapter 2!

Akatsuki Hideout!

The wind blew through the hideout's entrance. Madara Uchiha looked at all ten of his members and then at, Sasori. He sighed and placed and hand on the table in front of them. Pein looked over at, Madara and stated,

" We're going to start the meeting…..right?." Madara stared at, Sasori and his sharingan started to twitch. Sasori swallowed a lump in his throat as he started to sweat. Pein sighed. " MADARA!." Madara's gaze shifted from, Sasori to…..this supposed person he knew that had six bodies. He then shouted,

" WHAT?." Pein cleared his throat and asked,

" We're going to start the meeting…..right?." Madara sighed and leaned back in his chair. He then stared at the wall for a moment lost in thought. Pein watched their leader for a moment and then stated,

" Alright…..to start things off at this meeting." Pein cleared his throat and continued saying, " Konan and I have successfully captured…..," Pein looked over at, Madara for a second and asked, " What's up with you?." Madara looked at, Pein and sighed,

" Uh…..I'm sorry you were saying that you captured something." Pein sighed and stated,

" As I was saying, Konan and I have successfully captured…..The Nine Tails." Madara's interest peaked and he asked,

" You actually captured it?." Konan smiled and replied,

" Yes Sir." Pein continued saying,

" He's in the extraction chamber as we speak." Madara then put his hands together and stated,

" Pein?." Pein looked at him and asked,

" Yes?." Madara sighed and replied,

" Could you come here for a second?." Pein got up and started towards, Madara. When he got over to him he asked,

" Yes, Sir?." Madara looked at, Sasori for a moment and then replied,

" You do know….that what you did was very….very…..-" Madara then trailed off of what he was saying and looked back at, Sasori and the brown paper sack. Pein then stated,

" Very…..what?." Madara then pushed him out of the way and stated,

" Forget the nine tailed beast….I want to know what's in the stupid looking sack that, Sasori brought in here." Everyone looked at, Sasori and he looked back at all of them. Sasori then asked,

" What?." Madara sighed and replied,

" What's in the sack?." Pein then cleared his throat and stated,

" I'm going to excuse myself for a moment." He got up from the meeting table and started out the door. Madara's sharingan followed, Pein's movement out the meeting room door. It then went back to, Sasori and he asked,

" Well, Sasori?." Sasori then opened up the bag and he stated,

" I found some bananas…except they look kind of strange." Zetsu's Black Half then replied,

" Banana's? What the frig-," Zetsu's White Half interrupted saying,

" Okay….there's no need for swearing right now. What the heck is with the bananas anyways?." Sasori then stated,

" Well….I thought before we held the meeting,…during the meeting or after the meeting….we could all eat something." Madara looked around the table at all of the other members. He then looked back at, Sasori and replied,

" What kind of depraved mind…..could think up something like that?." He stood up and walked over to where, Sasori was. Madara leaned down to look him in the eye for a moment. He then looked at everybody else. The others looked at their leader for a moment or two. Madara stated, " I like this kid. Forget the meeting….let's eat everybody." Sasori then sighed a sigh of relief and then, Madara took the sack away from him. Madara proceeded to walk around the table. As he did this he gave all of the members some of the bananas. After, Madara was done he sat back down in his chair and looked down at his banana for a moment. He stared at it and stated, " It looks golden." Sasori smiled and responded,

" Yeah….they looked a little strange to me also. But they should be alright." Itachi picked up his banana and stated,

" It looks like a vagina." Konan looked at him and replied,

" Peh…you don't even know what a vagina even looks like….you Uchiah bastard." Itachi looked at her for a moment and stated,

" She's right….I don't." Itachi then unpeeled his banana and held it up to his mouth. Kisame looked at him and asked,

" Itachi?." The older Uchiha stopped inches away from his mouth and asked,

" Yes…Kisame?." Kisame sighed and replied,

" Well….it looks kind of like your sucking off a…..dude." Itachi looked at his partner for a moment and then took a bite of his banana. The Uchiha man then smacked his partner upside the head and stated,

" And you look like a fish man….shut up." Madara looked at his banana some more but he hadn't touched it at all. He thought to himself,

" _I know that there's something wrong with it….but what is it? You can't trust, Sasori to do anything right." _Zetsu's black half looked at, Madara and asked,

" What's up?." Madara looked up at, Zetsu and replied, 

" I don't know. I just don't think this banana is safe." Zetsu then picked up his banana and looked at it for a moment. He then shrugged and stuffed the whole thing in to his mouth, chewed it up and swallowed. Madara stared at, Zetsu in disbelief and stated, " I can't believe that you just ate that banana on a whim….after I just stated that I didn't think they were safe." Zetsu shrugged and stated, 

" Well….I was hungry." Madara blinked at him and then looked at, Itachi. He then asked, 

" Itachi….what are you doing?." Itachi Uchiah was grabbing, Kisame around the throat and stating, 

" You little fish bastard. I'll kill you in your sleep you evil little popsicle." Madara blinked his eye for a couple seconds and then looked over at, Konan. He then saw that she had changed her clothes and was wearing a sailor uniform. Konan walked over to, Madara and asked, 

" Do you want to go sailing with me….Sir?." Madara glared at her and replied, 

" Get away from me…..right….now." Konan then backed away from the Uchiha. Pein walked back in to the meeting room and saw what was going on. He then stated, 

" Huh….what the hell's going on?." Madara looked at, Pein and then everybody went back to normal and were sitting at the table like they were ready for the rest of the meeting. Madara looked at him and stated, 

" I don't know. Anyways…on with the meeting." Pein then sat back down in his chair and stated, 

" Okay." He cleared his throat. " Does anybody else have any inquires as to how we could capture the, Eight Tailed Bull….oh and by the way….The Nine Tailed Fox escaped." Madara stared at, Pein in disbelief and smacked his hand over his eyes. He then stated, 

" Oh….why am I surrounded by idiots?." Konan walked over to, Madara and stated, 

" GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH!." Madara then looked at her with his sharingan and replied, 

" If you don't shut up….I'll give you death right here." Konan then started to slink away like a frightened child. Kisame looked over at, Itachi and asked, 

" Itachi….are you feeling alright?." Itachi had a look on his face like he was about to vomit. His eyes then started to twitch for a little bit. He stood up straight and then walked all the way over to, Madara. The Uchiha with the mask then asked, 

" What?." Itachi replied, 

" Take this cup….and give thy hand to thy Lord. Eat the bread of life…and drink the blood of man…then go out and have a tea party on me….PAAARRRRRTAAAY!." Itachi then pulled out a gun and shot himself in the foot. He then screamed out bloody murder and then ran face first in to the wall knocking himself unconscious. Madara looked down at him for a few seconds and stated, 

" What….the….hell?." 

End of Chapter Two! 


	3. Chapter 3

NARUTO!

Title : The Curse of The Golden Bananas!

Chapter 3!

Akatsuki Hideout!

The elder Uchiha Madara looked at his minions and stated,

" Okay…it's been about two weeks since you guys ate the bananas, Sasori brought in…and I'm pretty damn sure that it's all out of your systems now….. ZETSU!." Zetsu opened his eyes wide and his black half replied,

" _Yes..Sir." _Madara then asked,

" Do you have anything to report?." Zetsu's white half then stated,

" Uh…actually…yes I do." Madara then smiled and asked,

" What is it?." Zetsu white half then stated,

" I successfully have gathered intelligence regarding the Six Tailed Beast." Another voice then stated,

" _Well actually…I successfully have gathered the intelligence, Sir." _Zetsu's white half replied,

" Uh…no…It was me. I'm pretty sure it was me." Madara's gaze went back and forth between the two halves. His black half wrapped his hand around the white half's side of their throat and stated,

" _I gathered the intelligence you twit." _The white half's eye glared at the black half and stated,

" Let got of my throat you jerk." The white half then knocked his hand away from his throat. Then the black half separated from him and kicked the white half in the groin. The white half keeled over in pain and the black half looked back at, Madara. He then stated,

" _I'm sorry I seem to have forgotten what I was going to say." Madara sighed and slapped his hand over his mask. He stood up and stated, _

" _Pein…the next time you choose a member…try to choose somebody that actually has a freaking brain." Pein nodded his head in agreement. Sasori walked over to, Madara and stared at him. Madara looked down at him and asked, " Yes? What do you want?." Sasori then stated, _

" _I want your head." Sasori then pulled out a kunai knife. Madara then exclaimed, _

" _What the he-," Before he could finish, Sasori jumped at him with the knife. Madara made himself intangible and Sasori went right through him and smacked in to the wall. He then returned to corporeal form and looked at, Sasori. Madara then looked up at, Pein who had just returned to the room. The man with the six bodies stopped moving and then stared at, Madara and the rest of them. Pein then stated, _

" _What…the hell is going on here?." Itachi walked in to the room and shouted, _

" _TRUMPETS ABLAZE! IT'S MASTER MADARA UCHIHA'S BIRDAY TODAY!." Madara opened his eyes wide and replied, _

" _Uh….no it isn't." Itachi walked over to, Kisame and blew a birthday horn in to his ear. Kisame the pulled out Samhada and held it to, Itachi's throat. The Uchiha then proceeded to back away from his partner. He then stated, _

" _Okay then….your all a bunch of party poopers." Itachi then turned around and mooned everybody in the room. He then pulled his pants up and sat down in his chair. Pein looked at him for a moment and then he looked over at, Kisame who apparently had just thrown, Samhada at his head. Pein jumped out of the way and it smashed in to the wall behind his chair. When he landed on the ground, Pein walked over to, Kisame and asked, _

" _What the hell ? Are you trying to kill me?." Kisame looked down and stated, _

" _I'm so sorry. I feel so ashamed of myself." He then broke down in to tears. Pein then patted him on the back and stated, _

" _There…there….it's alright." Pein then wrapped his hand around, Kisame's throat and started to squeeze the life out of him. Madara then jumped over to where, Pein was choking, Kisame and kicked him in the shoulder. The force of the kick sent, Pein sailing away from, Kisame and in to his own chair. Pein then looked up at, Madara and asked, " What?." Madara then stated, _

" _You were trying to kill, Kisame." Pein looked at him and stated, _

" _I was not." Madara replied, _

" _Yes you were." Pein stated, _

" _No I wasn't." Madara stated, _

" _Yes you did." Pein replied, _

" _No I didn't." Madara glared at him and stated, _

" _Did to." Pein replied, _

" _Did not." Madara's glare then menaced and he stated, _

" _Look buddy…when I say you did something…that means you did something. Got it?." Pein nodded his head in agreement and stated, _

" _Fruitcake." Madara looked up at him and asked, _

" _What did you just call me?." Pein then replied, _

" _I was talking about, Sasori…he's a fruitcake." Madara stared blankly at him for a moment and asked, _

" _Who?." Zetsu's White Half then whispered in to, Madara's ear, _

" _The puppet guy…Sasori." Madara looked at, Zetsu and stated, _

" _Oh…yeah the puppet jerk." Sasori looked at, Pein and asked, _

" _Did you just call me a fruitcake." Pein then replied, _

" _Yeah…so what if I did?." Sasori jumped over the table and tackled, Pein to the floor. He then started to punch him in the face. Pein then looked up at, Sasori and stated, _

" _May the peace of the lord be with you and grant you peace." Sasori then replied, _

" _I'll take your damn piece and shove it up your-," Kisame then wrapped his hand around, Sasori's throat and stated, _

" _Little boys shouldn't use such harsh language." Sasori then bit him on the hand. " OUCH!. THAT HURT YOU LITTLE FUCK!." Madara then shouted, _

" _ENOUGH!." All of the members looked over at him for a moment and then they all sat back down in their respective places. Madara sighed and looked at his members. He then stated, _

" _Alright….let's try this meeting again." Pein then stated, _

" _Uh….what was the meeting about?." Madara stared blankly at, Pein and then replied, _

" _You had already told us that you and Konan had successfully captured the Nine Tails." Pein then stated, _

" _Right. Did I tell you that I already stuck a dead ferret in your bed while you were sleeping this morning?." Madara's sharingan glared at him. " I'm going to shut up now." Madara sighed and got up from his place at the table. He started to walk towards a door to the meeting room. " Where are you going?." Madara didn't respond and walked through the door. He entered in to his room and thought about the meeting that they'd just had. Madara then sat down in his chair and turned his head to the right to face, Tobi Uchiha. Tobi then asked, _

" _Can I give you a haircut?." Madara then stated, _

" _Where the hell were you when the meeting began?." Tobi looked down and replied, _

" _Tobi…was out getting refreshments for the meeting." Madara then pointed towards the meeting room door and stated, _

" _Get in there right now." Tobi then ran over to the door with, Madara following behind him. Then they opened the door and saw a horrendous scene. _

_End of Chapter Three! _


	4. Chapter 4

_**NARUTO!**_

_**Title : The Curse of The Golden Bananas!**_

_**Chapter 4!**_

_**Akatsuki Hideout!**_

_**When they opened the door, Madara and Tobi saw a horrendous scene. Itachi was smashing, Kisame in to the ground with, Samhada. Zetsu was kicking, Pain in the stomach and shouting out the word, **_

" _**Funny" over and over again. Hidan and Kakuzu were choking each other out and Deidre was bashing his head against a pole. Madara then yelled, **_

" _**STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!." They all then ran away from each other and went back to their respective places. Madara and Tobi went to their respective places and sat down. Konan then pulled out a cigarette and was about to light it. Madara pointed at her and yelled, " PUT IT OUT!." Konan looked up at their leader and asked, **_

" _**Why should I? I've never listened to you when you told me something anyways so like….yeah for sure." Madara stared at her for a moment and stated, **_

" _**Pein." Pein got up and walked over to where, Madara was sitting. Pein then asked, **_

" _**Yes, Sir?." Madara replied, **_

" _**Get her some help….now." Pein nodded his head and stated,**_

" _**Okay then." Pein then threw off his cloak to reveal his other five bodies. The five bodies then went to the front of the meeting room and pulled out electric guitars and a whole bunch of other instruments. Then they started to play a song. Madara looked at, Pein and asked, **_

" _**What is that?." Pein replied, **_

" _**I'm giving her help. Like you said." Madara walked over to where, Pein was standing and then smacked him across the face. He then stated, **_

" _**I meant mentally you dimwit." Pein looked at him and then pulled out a piece of candy. He then asked, **_

" _**You want a piece of candy?." Madara glared daggers at him and sighed. **_

" _**No….I don't want a piece of candy." Pein then ate the piece of candy and then his lips got stuck together. He walked over to, Madara and stated, **_

" _**I tink tee halve a vittle provlem." Madara then looked at him and asked, **_

" _**What'd you just say?." Pein then repeated what he'd said, **_

" _**I tink tee halve a vittle provlem." Madara looked at him for a moment longer and stated, **_

" _**I…I'm sorry, Pein. I just can't seem to understand you anymore." Pein then stated, **_

" _**Dimmit." Pein then walked over to where a crowbar was and put the end of it in to his mouth. He then pried his lips and teeth apart. Madara sighed and looked down at the table he was sitting at. He then thought to himself, **_

" _**An entire lifetime of preparation….and I end up with the most idiotic idiots this side of the nuthouse." **_**Madara then looked up and everybody was in their respective seats. The Uchiha sighed and stated, **

" **Alright…now that everybody seems to be back to normal…although I don't know how that's physically possible…let's get on with the meeting." Pein then cleared his throat and stated, **

" **Okay…Konan and I have successfully captured, The Nine Tailed Fox." Madara then replied, **

" **You already told us this. What other details of tailed beasts do we have?." Hidan cleared his throat and stated, **

" **Uh….if it makes anybody feel any better…Kakuzu and I almost captured the, Eight Tailed Bull." Madara looked at them for a moment and asked, **

" **What do you mean you almost captured him?." Kakuzu thought about what he asked him for a little bit. Madara stared at him for a moment longer and then stated, " What do you mean you almost captured him?." Kakuzu then looked at him and stated, **

" **I don't know what I mean by it…I just apparently saw him up in these mountains." Madara then asked, **

" **You….apparently saw him?." Hidan then stated, **

" **Uh…yeah. That's what he said." Madara looked at, Kakuzu and stated, **

" **If I wanted info from the peanut gallery….I would've asked for it." Kakuzu then replied, **

" **Shutting up." Madara then looked up and saw, Itachi getting ready to commit suicide at the top of the cave. Kisame then stated, **

" **Itachi's going-," Madara then yelled, **

" **SHUT UP!. Itachi, what the hell are you doing?." Itachi then stated, **

" **Goodbye cruel world….fuck you all." Itachi then jumped off the edge of the cave and fell like a rock. Madara then heard a loud crash from where he landed. Madara then ran over to him and asked, **

" **Oh my god. Itachi are you alright?." Madara lifted him up slightly. Itachi opened his eyes and stated, **

" **I think my arm's broken." He then looked at, Madara and asked, " Is that you dad?. I thought I killed you." Madara glared at him and then dropped him back to the ground. He sighed shook his head and looked back at, Itachi. The Uchiha stood up to a standing position and walked over to, Madara. He stopped in front of him and knelt down at his feet. Madara looked down at, Itachi. The Elder Uchiha boy then started crying his eyes in to, Madara's robe and stated, **

" **I'm never going to be able to live with myself. I murdered my entire clan…by myself. Tell me lord, Madara…what should I do?." Itachi then sniffled and looked up at him. Madara stared down at him with his sharingan and replied, **

" **Uh….well first I think that you should go to a daily recovery meeting. Second think about what you've done to our clan and then ground yourself." Itachi then stood up to a full upright position and shook, Madara's hand. He then stated, **

" **Thank you, Lord Madara. You've opened my eyes." Itachi let got of, Madara's hand and then started towards the cave entrance. Madara then asked, **

" **Uh…where the hell is he going?." Itachi walked out the entrance to the cave and stopped at the edge of a cliff. Madara then ran outside and stated, " Itachi…don't. Just because you killed the clan doesn't mean you should commit suicide." Itachi then jumped off of the cliff and vanished. Madara then stated, " ITACHI!." All of a sudden the genjutsu wore off and, Madara was sitting in his chair looking directly at, Itachi. He glared at him and then stated, " Itachi….I'm going to kill you." Madara then pulled out a gun and fired it at, Itachi. The younger Uchiha ducked out of the way of the bullet and it bounced off the wall and hit, Hidan. Hidan looked around and stated, **

" **Damn…..am I glad to be immortal." Madara put his hand over his face and stated, **

" **This is going to be a long meeting." All of a sudden, Tobi came out of nowhere and tackled, Madara to the ground. He then yelled, **

" **BISCUITS!." **

**End of Chapter 4! **__


	5. Chapter 5

NARUTO!

Title : The Curse of The Golden Bananas!

Chapter 5!

Akatsuki Hideout!

Madara Uchiha looked around the table. He then stated,

" Alright….it's time to begin the next meeting." Kisame then began to ramble. He rambled,

" Fish sticks…ah fish sticks. Have you ever had a fish stick?." Itachi looked at his partner for a moment and then shook his head no. Kisame then stated, " Fish sticks are….," Kisame then trailed off of what he was saying. Itachi looked at, Madara and then back at, Kisame. Itachi grabbed a hold of, Kisame and asked,

" Have you been drinking?." Kisame then stated,

" Screw…you…Uchiha. HA HA HA HA HA!." Itachi let go of him and raised his hand. Madara looked at him and asked,

" Yes….Itachi?." Itachi sighed and replied,

" I think, Kisame's drunk." Madara's sharingan opened wide and he then replied,

" Oh….well that's not good. Take him to his room and have him sleep it off." Itachi then grabbed, Kisame by the arm and started to walk him out of the meeting room. Kisame then stated,

" I…LOVE CAKE AND CANDY!. I WANT SUGAR!." Itachi looked at his partner again and replied,

" I don't have any of those things….so….yeah." They walked out the meeting room door and then, Kisame stated,

" Butterflies singing in the rain….they're so pretty….so very pretty….so bright and gay….I loooove my little girl…and then I-," Itachi placed his hand over his mouth and stated,

" Kisame….be quiet." He then took him away. Madara looked at the rest of the, Akatsuki and stated,

" Okay…now we can continue the meeting." He cleared his throat and continued. " Now…Pein since you're the leader…you can say whatever it is you need to…cause it looks like you want to say something…very important." Pein stood up and smiled maniacally at everyone in the room. Itachi then walked back in to the meeting room and sat back down in his chair. Pein then continued smiling…but he still hadn't said anything. Konan looked at the other members and then back at, Pein. She then yelled,

" PEIN!." Pein just kept on smiling maniacally and never said a word. Madara stood up and walked over to him. He then looked in to his eyes and waved his hand in front of him. The orange masked man turned and looked at the other members. He then stated,

" Uh…I don't know what's wrong with him." Pein then looked at, Madara while he was smiling and then he started singing,

" When I was a young ole laaaaaaad." Madara then backed away from him. Pein started to skip around the meeting room and he sang, " When I was young ole lad….my dad said that I would….alwaaaaaays be here on earth to rule the world. He taught me every single thing I know….aaaannnnnd heeeeee'd shave my head twice a day to make me look like a gay man…and he threw me in the sewer to eat mice and worms." Pein then sat back down and looked around at everybody. He then asked, "What? Why is everybody staring at me?." Madara tapped his finger on the table and stated,

" No reason….we had no idea that you had such great vocal chords." Pein then gave him a "what the fudge" look and then looked at, Tobi with a startled look. Madara looked at, Tobi who was now holding a pepper spray gun. Madara's eye opened wide and he stated,

" Duck." Madara ducked down as, Tobi shot off the gun. The pepper spray fired throughout the room and hit everybody in the face causing them to grab their eyes and scream out in pain. Madara sat up and stated,

" Tobi….you're never allowed to touch any kind of weapon again." Tobi then stated,

" Tobi, very sorry. Tobi won't mess up again." Madara then walked over to, Tobi and then smacked him upside the head. He then started on his way back towards his seat. Madara then stopped all of a sudden and looked at, Zetsu who was holding a very large sword in his hands. Madara then asked, " What the hell are you doing with that?." Zetsu then stated,

" I'm…going…to…carrrrrve…a…..-," Zetsu then trailed off of what he was saying for a moment. Madara stared at him and asked,

" You're going to carve a what?." Zetsu then fell asleep and started to snore. Madara blinked his eyes for a moment and then yelled, " ZETSU WAKE UP!." Zetsu woke up and stated,

" What….what…what….I'm up." Madara looked at him and asked,

" You said you were going to carve something…..carve what?." Zetsu then replied,

" I'm…..going…..to…..carve…," Zetsu then fell asleep again. Pein then walked over to him and pulled out a balloon animal. Zetsu opened his eyes when he heard the scrape of the balloon and he looked at it for a moment. His eyes opened wide with happiness and he exclaimed,

" WHOO HOO! YIPPEE….HOORAY….LA TEE DA…..BALLOON ANIMALS ARE FREAKING AWESOME! GIMME!." Zetsu then ran at, Pein and tackled him to the ground. He then took the balloon animal and spit on their leader. Zetsu then stated, " Capitalist pig." He then walked back over to his seat. Madara looked at, Zetsu for a moment and then stated,

" Okay then…..now that we've all lived through, Zetsu's child hood knows best….let's get on with this meeting." Pein then stated,

" Alright…I've got some further news to tell everyone…and that news is….," Pein then looked up and stared wide eyed at the wall behind, Madara. The Uchiha looked at his minion and then asked,

" What are you staring at?." Pein blinked his eyes for a moment and then asked,

" What?." Madara looked at him quizzically and then asked,

" What were you staring at just now?." Pein then looked down and then back up at, Madara. He then replied,

" I thought I saw…..Santa Claus." Kisame looked at, Pein and then asked,

" Are you on drugs or something?." Pein smiled at him and pulled out an ice cube tray. He then threw it at, Kisame's head. The fish man ducked but it still hit him in the forehead. He then began to rub the sore spot on his head. Pein then stated,

" Ha….that will teach you to wear your forehead protector won't it." Kisame then shook his head and said nothing more. Madara then tapped his finger on the table and asked,

" Will you two stop the bickering already?." Pein then stated,

" He started it." Madara then shook his head and replied,

" I don't care who started what. Stop the damn bickering ." Pein then nodded his head in agreement. Sasori then walked over to, Madara and stated,

" I have to pee." Madara looked at him and replied,

" Then got to the bathroom. It's down the second corridor and to the right." Sasori walked away from them. Madara then looked at, Zetsu and then asked, " What are you doing?." Zetsu looked at, Madara and replied,

" I was thinking about making, Christmas cookies." Madara glared at him and replied,

" We don't have time to make, Christmas cookies. All we have time for is, World Domination." Pein then stated,

" Well….actually we do have time for some stuff…I mean…how is it that I can take my Mom to the mall on, Thursdays and Fridays." Madara looked at him and then asked,

" You take your, Mom to the mall on, Thursdays and Fridays?. That explains a lot as to why you're never here on time for our meetings on those days." Pein looked down and replied,

" What?…..She likes to go to the mall on those two days…and nobody else can take her." Madara then stated,

" Okay….now…back to my original question. Does anybody have any ideas on how we could rule the world?." Itachi then replied,

" That wasn't your original question." Madara stared at him questionably and then asked,

" It wasn't?." Itachi then responded,

" No…your original question was this. Would you care to join a corrupt organization of ninjas who want to conquer the world?. That was your first question." Madara stared at him for a moment and then stated,

" Okay….no more drugs for you. Come on people….I need answers." Konan then looked up at him and stated,

" Blah…blah…blah. That's all that ever comes out of your mouth. Take over the world this…capture tailed beast that. You'd think since you're an, Uchiha you'd be able to come up with a diabolical plan but noooooo. Your brains so small you'd probably have to think a very long time just to come up with a plan…that's why you have us do it isn't it?." Konan then stared at him. Madara glared his eye at her for a moment and then replied,

" I'm going to pretend you didn't mean that. Cause if you did….I'd kill you right now." Konan then stood up and shouted,

" FREEZER BURN!." She then ran off in to another room. Madara stared at the room she ran off in to for a moment and then stated,

" I think she's been watching too many foods go freezer burnt in the freezer."

In Another Room!

Konan ran in to the room and went over to the freezer. She opened it and pulled out a frozen fish from the freezer and then proceeded to beat it against the wall. Konan stated,

" Bad frozen fish….bad bad."

Back In The Meeting Room!

Pein rubbed his temple and then opened his eyes wide. He then smiled…stood up and stated,

" I've got the perfect plan. We-," All of a sudden the fish, Konan was beating against the wall flew through the air and smacked, Pein in the face. Madara opened his eyes wide and stared at it. Itachi then stated,

" Hey, Kisame….I think one of your cousins just entered the room." Kisame looked at his partner and yelled,

" SHUT UP, ITACHI!." Konan then ran up behind, Kisame and smacked him in the head with a frying pan. She then yelled,

" BAD FISH!." Itachi opened his eyes wide and stated,

" What the fu-," Konan then smacked, Itachi in the face and knocked him to the ground. She then hopped on top of him and held the frying pan above his head. She then yelled,

" BAD FISH!." She brought the pan down towards his face. Itachi then blocked her pan and kicked her off of him. He then stated,

" You need to settle down." Konan then stated in an irritated tone,

" _**Bad fish." **_She then ran at, Itachi and he opened his eyes wide. He then jumped in to the air and flipped over to the other side of her. Zetsu looked up and opened his eyes in fright as, Konan was headed straight for him. Zetsu looked around and noticed he didn't have time to move. He then yelled,

" ITACHI YOU IDIOT!." Konan then tackled, Zetsu to the floor and then proceeded to smack him as well. Madara walked over to, Konan and stated,

" Alright now loo-," Konan lifted the pan smacking him in the face with the back of it. Madara then fell backwards on to the floor unconscious. Konan looked back at him…..dropped the frying pan and stated,

" Muffins are done." She then ran away in to another room. Itachi sat back down in his chair and looked around at the other members. He then looked up and smiled at, Madara lying on the floor. The elder brother of the Uchiha brothers ran over to, Madara and smacked him awake. Madara sat straight up and looked at, Itachi. He then asked,

" Why are you looking at me like that, Itachi?." Itachi then placed his hand on his shoulder and stated,

" I'll do anything for you my love." Madara's Sharingan opened wide and he yelled,

" WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?." Itachi replied,

" I will do anything for you my love. You're my honey bun." Itachi then tried to hug, Madara and he moved out of the way which caused, Itachi to fall flat on his face. Madara then stared down at him and then walked back over to his seat. Madara looked down at the floor for about five seconds and then looked up to see ten, Naruto Uzumaki's standing in front of him. Madara then asked,

" Wha….what the hell?." He looked at all of their faces which appeared to be angry with him. The ten, Narutos then did the, Naruto Uzumaki Barrage and sent, Madara in to the floor. Then they went back to their seats and everybody switched back to normal. Then all of a sudden out of nowhere, Konan shouted,

" RABIES!." Then she ran over to, Tobi and bit him on the arm. Madara then zipped over to where they were and grabbed a hold of her. Madara looked at, Pein and stated,

" Pein…get your other bodies in here and help me restrain her." Pein nodded his head and called the other bodies. The bodies zipped in to the room and grabbed a hold of, Konan. Then they dragged her over to her chair and strapped her down. The bodies then all said,

" Booyah….she is restrained my lord." The bodies then ran off in to different rooms. A second later the bodies zipped back in to the room and they all had instruments. Then they started to play them and one of them stated,

" Oh Lord I want to be in that number….oh when the saints come marching in." Madara then yelled,

" PEIN…CONTROL YOUR BODIES!." Pein then looked at the bodies and they all looked up at him. Pein then stated,

" Go….now." The bodies all nodded their heads and then vanished in to a room. Madara sat down in his chair and then looked up and was startled to see, Itachi standing in front him drinking a glass of tea. He took a sip and then stated,

" Oh….my…god. You have got to try this tea…it is so amazing." Madara then replied,

" Okay." Madara took the tea from him. Put the glass up to his mouth and stopped. He then held it out to, Zetsu and stated, " Here, Zetsu try this." Zetsu took the glass from him and then swallowed all of it down. He set the glass on the table. He then stated, " Huh…doesn't seam to bad to me." Zetsu then started to wig out. His entire body began to shake rapidly. He began to foam at the mouth severely. He then shouted,

" MY TEETH ARE SO CLEEEEAN!." Zetsu then ran off in to another room and shut the door behind him. Madara then asked,

" What'd you put in the tea?." Konan then fell backwards and passed out on the floor. Madara blinked his eyes and backed up a little bit. Konan then picked up a mirror and ran over to, Madara. The Uchiha looked at her for a moment and asked, " What are you doing?." Konan then set the mirror beside her face and then stated,

" I'd like you to meet my sister, Nanok. But don't listen to a word she says she's nuts." Madara looked at her for a moment and replied,

" Uh….who's nuts?." Pein then ran over to, Madara and stated,

" You're nuts." He then kicked him in the nuts. Madara stated,

" Sh-sh-shit." He then groaned while holding his crotch. Then in the blink of an eye everybody was back in their respective seats and acting normal. Madara sighed…stood up to a full upright position and then, Konan appeared right in front of him with no warning whatsoever, pulled out a toothbrush…squirted toothpaste on it and then stated,

" Brush your teeth." She then shoved the brush in to his mouth. She smiled maniacally. " Or you'll have to wear braces." Madara then threw her off of him and sent her sailing in to the top of the cave. She then fell back to the ground and, Madara dusted off his cloak. He sighed in irritation and said,

" THAT'S IT!. Does anybody else want to loose it tonight?." Konan then shot up to an upright position and stated,

" Brush your teeth." Madara then yelled,

" GHAA!." He then took off in a run with, Konan chasing after him saying,

" Brush. Brush. Brush. Brush. Brush. Brush." Madara ran out of the room and in to the hallway. He then started down the hallway and ran past, Tobi on his way. Tobi watched him run past him and he the shook his head and did the crazy sign beside his head. He then shrugged and turned back around as, Konan ran in to him and knocked him to the floor landing on top of him. She then smiled maniacally and said, " Hello, Tobi." Tobi then replied,

" Hello." Konan asked,

" Have you seen, Madara?." Tobi replied,

" Yeah….he went that way." Tobi pointed his finger in the direction that, Madara ran in. Konan asked,

" Have you been brushing your teeth?." Tobi nodded his head. Konan patted him on the cheek and stated, " Good boy. You have to keep brushing your teeth or you'll get cavities and then, Auntie Konan will have to rip all of your teeth out and then give them to the, Tooth Fairy." Tobi nodded. Konan got up and then continued to chase after, Madara. Tobi then got up and walked away whistling. A few rooms away, Madara was ducked behind a bookshelf. He looked around and asked himself,

" What the hell am I going to do?." Madara then heard a knock on the door and he jumped. A female voice then stated,

" _You must brush your teeth…..or I'll have to pull them all." _Madara swallowed a lump in his throat and he then stood up. He looked around the room for anything to defend himself with…but there was nothing. All of a sudden, Konan kicked the door down and then walked over to where, Madara was standing. She then stated, " Time to see the dentist." Madara then stated,

" Get the hell away from you bi-," Then everything went black. End of Chapter 5!


	6. Chapter 6

NARUTO!

Title : The Curse of The Golden Bananas!

Chapter 6!

Akatsuki Hideout!

Two eyes opened up and looked around. Everything was blurred to the eyes vision. Then the eye blinked a little and everything became clear. The eyes belonged to, Madara Uchiha. The elder Uchiha then asked,

" What….what's going on?." Then, Konan appeared in front of him and stated,

" We need to clean your teeth." Madara's eyes opened wide and the replied,

" Uh….how about we don't…and we just say we did." Konan shook her head and stated,

" Tsk..tsk..tsk. Oh no..no..no. We can't do that. Then we can't tell if you have cavities." Madara looked down and then back up at her saying,

" But I don't have any cavities." Konan then stated,

" Peh…that's what they all say sweetheart. Now just relax….I'm a professional." Madara opened his eyes wide and replied,

" Yeah….a professional nutcase. Let me go." Konan then pulled out a syringe and asked,

" Now…should we try with or without Novocain?." She thought about it for a moment and then threw the syringe away. " I never liked to use Novocain on my patients anyways." Madara then stated,

" You've never had any patients. You're not a dentist. You're a member of my organization….Akatsuki." Konan laughed and replied,

" Honey, if I can be a stripper…I can be a dentist." Madara opened his eyes wide. He then stated,

" You were never a stripper…you've never been a stripper….you're a member of my organization…Akatsuki." Konan then put her hand in to, Madara's mouth and stated,

" Do we have any loose teeth today?." Madara glared daggers at her and replied,

" You touch my teeth…and I'll kill you." She looked at his teeth and stated,

" Tsk..tsk..tsk…plaque. You haven't been brushing." Madara then replied,

" You can brush your own damn teeth. Let me the fuck out of here." Konan then slapped him across the face and stated,

" Language like that won't get you any candy." She then squinted and asked, " Is that a cavity?." Konan then poked his tooth. Madara winced in pain. Konan got excited. " Yay….I get to fill in my first cavity….I've never done this before so this will be a trip." Next she picked up a drill and turned it on. " Hold still." She brought the drill down towards his tooth. When the drill got close enough to it, Madara went in to his impervious mode and then slipped out of the chair. Konan fell forwards over the chair and landed on the floor. Madara went back to normal mode and zipped around behind her. He then karate chopped her in the back of the neck and she passed out. Madara then stated,

" That woman is nuts." Madara then headed for the door. When he got there he walked through it and, Pein asked,

" What the hell happened to you?." Madara looked at all of them and replied,

" Konan wanted to play dentist. Now get in there…and get whatever the hell is in her system out of it." He then headed off towards his room.

End of Chapter 6!


	7. Chapter 7

NARUTO!

Title : The Curse of The Golden Bananas!

Chapter 7!

Akatsuki Hideout!

The wind blew throughout the hideout. All of the members of, Akatsuki were sitting in their respective places in the meeting room. Madara then smiled and stated,

" Alright….now it's been about two weeks since the last insane trip we had and….I'm…pretty sure that the bananas are out of our system now. Now would anybody like to com-," Suddenly, Itachi zipped over to where, Madara was and smacked him in the face with a rubber chicken. He stated,

" You ate my girl scout cookies." Madara stood up and stated,

" Sit down." Itachi then sat back down in his respective seat. Madara then stated, " Alright…now would anybody like to com-," Itachi then stood up and yelled,

" YODEL-LEHE-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!." Madara stared at him in disbelief and then stated,

" Sit down." Itachi then sat back down once again. Madara clenched his teeth and then said to himself,

" It's the Akatsuki…you created them…so all of this is your fault." Madara then stared at the wall for a moment and then he exclaimed, " No it's not." Pein looked at him asked,

" It's not what?." Madara replied,

" This….this isn't…," Madara trailed off of what he was saying. Pein raised his eyebrow and asked,

" It isn't what?." Madara then stated,

" This…this….it isn't…," Madara trailed off once again. Pein then asked,

" You keep saying…"this isn't" ….but you never finish what you're trying to say. Spit it out already." Madara then stated,

" This isn't my fault. It's….," Madara then looked around the meeting room for a moment and asked,

" Actually….I forget…who brought the banana's in again?." Konan then shouted from outside,

" TOBI SET, ZETSU ON FIRE!." Madara's eyes bugged out of his skull and he ran towards the entrance to the cave. He could only imagine the horror he was about to witness. When, Madara got to the entrance to the cave he stopped and saw, Zetsu's cloak up in flames and he was screaming. Madara looked at, Tobi and then stated,

" Zetsu roll around on the ground." Tobi then replied,

" That won't work. Tobi make good chemical….chemical fire not get put out by rolling around on dirt." Madara stared at him and stated,

" TOBI!. If you don't put, Zetsu out right now….I'm going to have, Zetsu eat you." Tobi then replied,

" Tobi…..kind of understand." Madara opened his eye wide and then glared at him. Madara started to poke, Tobi in the chest and stated,

"If…you….don't….put….Zetsu….out…right…this….instant….I'm…going….to….feed…you…to… him…got it." Tobi looked at, Zetsu and then imagined an image in his head about being eaten by, Zetsu. He then nodded his head and replied,

" Oh…Tobi understand." Madara smiled and stated,

" Good…put him out." Tobi looked at, Zetsu and replied,

" But, Zetsu might blow up like big firecracker." Madara then opened his eye wide. " We could roast marshmallows." Madara smacked, Tobi in the back of the head and yelled,

" PUT HIM OUT!." Tobi then looked at him and replied,

" Tobi, not like when, Madara yell." Madara then glared at him and stated,

" I'm going to do more then "yell" at you if he dies…..now put him out." Tobi then replied,

" But I don't want to." Madara then stated,

" Fine…I'll tear out your, Sharingan and never give it back to you. How does that sound?." Tobi looked back at, Zetsu and then replied,

" Okay. Tobi put, Zetsu out." Tobi then ran over to, Zetsu and pulled out a fire extinguisher. Madara then sighed and stated,

" Ah….today has been a long day." All of sudden, Madara heard the sound of cries coming from, Zetsu and also of someone beating the crud out of him. His eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, "TOBI…WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO ZETSU?." Tobi was smacking, Zetsu in the head with a fire extinguisher. Madara then stated, " Wha…wha….what the hell are you….Tobi." Tobi then stopped smacking him and looked up at, Madara. He then asked,

" What, Tobi do wrong now?." Madara then stated,

" Spray him with the fire extinguisher….and put him out." Tobi nodded his head and then sprayed him with the fire extinguisher. Zetsu fell back on to the ground and the flames vanished. Madara then sighed a sigh of relief. Zetsu then stood up and stated,

" Oh…crap." Madara looked over at him and asked,

" What?." Zetsu then replied,

" I can't see a damn thing." Madara then put his hand on his head and he stated,

" I'm surrounded by idiots." Tobi then asked,

" What's an idiot?." All of sudden, Madara turned around and started to say,

" An idiot…my good man…is a person who would come running out of the cave with a blow torch…chasing, Pein with it and trying to shove it up his ass." Madara and Tobi looked up and then opened their eyes in astonishment at what they saw. Itachi was chasing, Pein out of the hideout with a blowtorch and trying to deliver a giant enema. Pein then yelled,

" MADARA HELP! HE'S TRYING TO KILL ME!." Madara looked at, Tobi and stated,

" I hope he does….ass hat." Tobi then looked at, Madara and smacked him across the face. He then stated,

" How could you not help your friend?." Madara looked at him and replied,

" You know, Tobi. I've had about enough of this crap…okay. I think….I'm going to step down…somebody else can be the leader. I'm done with it….I quit." Madara then started to walk away. Tobi then asked,

" But if you step down….then who's going to come with the nice round numbers?." Madara then yelled over his shoulder,

" I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU SOME NICE ROUND BALLS IF YOU DON'T SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE!." Tobi then blinked his eyes and started to follow him. He then asked,

" What are balls?." Madra didn't even listen to what he asked him. He then headed towards the main area of the lair and found the basket of banana's. He picked them up and started out the door. Kisame looked at him and asked,

" Uh…where are you taking those?." Madara then replied,

" I'll be back in three days….this chaos ends now." Madara then walked away from the hideout.

End of Chapter 7!


	8. Chapter 8

NARUTO!

Title : The Curse of The Golden Bananas!

Chapter 8!

Konoha!

The Leaf Village!

The wind blew throughout the village. A man dressed in a black cloak with red clouds on them walked up to the village gates. When he got there he looked up and then he saw the guards standing there. One of the guards walked over to him and asked,

" State your business." Madara replied,

" I need to see, Minato Namikaze." The guard asked,

" May I ask why…Sir?." Madara glared at him and replied,

" I need to see him…right…now." The guard then asked,

" How urgent is it that you see him?." Madara bit his lip and replied,

" NOW! I have to see him…now." The guard stared at him asked,

" Why?." Madara then said,

" Oh forget this shit." He then placed the ninja in a genjutsu and then started in to the village. Madara then stopped for a moment and then remembered that he could teleport. He then smacked himself in the forehead and then teleported from the area.

Minato Namikaze's Office!

Minato was writing something down on some papers that he had to fill out for the next Chunin exams to begin. He smiled to himself and then he felt a dark presence entering the area. He looked up and saw someone appearing in front of his desk. Minato then asked,

" Who is it?." The dark presence appeared in front of him. Minato then stated, " Oh…god not you again…am I going to have to kick your ass all over again…or what?." Madara looked at him and then tossed the sack on to his desk. Minato looked down at the sack, rose his eyebrow and asked, " What's in the sack?."

THE END!


End file.
